IELTS essay feedback for advertising makes people the same

As an IELTS examiner and tutor, I correct many IELTS essays every day. This is some feedback for a student for an essay about whether advertising makes people the same or not.

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Hi Mike, I'm one of your students on the internet. After watching some of your videos, I realized that why I got a lower score on thesector of the task respond.
To see lots of samples of IELTS tasks I have corrected go here:

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IELTS essay feedback for advertising makes people the same